White Chocolate Pretzel Thingies.

Making white chocolate pretzel thingies, instructions:

Melt chocolate bar. Insert pretzels, coating sufficiently to cover pretzel, then shake off excess, placing them on wax paper to cool. Once hardened, eat!

Sounds fairly uncomplicated, right? Well, Huston, we have a problem!

   The instructions in detail, have a bit more hidden things to offer. First order, get a big pan, and fill it with water. Then get a smaller one to fit inside the first one (that you’ve over filled with water). (Okay, no problem, just pour some of the water out!) Then place the second smaller pan inside the larger, water filled one. (Okay, pour out some more water!) Now, place the smaller pan inside the larger one, and drop in the chocolate to be melted. The water in the larger pan, should be a bit higher than the height of the chocolate in the smaller pan. (Okay, add a bit of water back) Next, heat the water, in the larger pan, to just below the boiling point. (Okay, turn the heat down some, it’s boiling!) As the chocolate begins to melt (wait, how come it’s not melting! Okay, turn the heat back up.), and stir constantly till fully melted to a thick syrup consistency (how come it’s not melting that much?). Ah, the instructions say, add some cooking oil one teaspoon at a time, till you get the consistency desired! Okay, add oil and stir. Okay, add some more oil, and stir. Okay, add some more oil, and stir. Okay, add more oil, and stir. Alright!!  Finally we’re starting to melt, and get the desired consistency (good thing, I’m running out of oil)!
   Okay, now here’s where things start to get a bit tricky. Your small pan, with the now melted chocolate, is on the stove, to maintain the heat, and consistency, and your wax paper, is eight feet away on the counter, ready for placement. Okay, no problem! Grab some pretzels and just throw them in the pan, mixing, and coating them there, right on the stove (brilliant!)! (“Okay, now what?) Now all we have to do, is take the pretzel, chocolate filled pan, over to the counter, and fish them out. (Great idea!) (Wait, they’re starting to cool, while still in the pan! Not good!) Take the pan, back to the stove and reheat to desired consistency again. Repeat as often as necessary to get these stupid things done (like as many as eight times)! (These things better be awsome!!!!)

   After due consideration, and two hours of aggravating work, I’ve come to a conclusion!

Although they taste right, and look pretty much like they’re supposed too,I won’t ever do this again! When these are gone, does anybody know someone dumb enough to do this for me next time?  :/

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Candy is dandy, if done right!

   That time of the year has finally arrived! The time of the year, when in almost every decent store, you will find, what I consider to be the best candy on earth, the Queen Anne Cherry Cordial, and, they have it “on sale”! This candy crosses the pallet with a sweetness that can only be described as perfection.
   I have found, since I first became aware of them, that most people don’t eat them properly, and therefore miss out on how truly great they are. Most people will pop the entire candy in the mouth, and unceremoniously start chomping away, like they were eating green peas or something! This approach, although getting it gone fast, doesn’t allow for the savoring effect, this candy truly deserves. You “can taste it“, but that’s not what this candy truly deserves! This candy deserves an almost heavenly uplifting experience, and a certain amount of reverence as it’s being consumed, to truly “enjoy” it!
   After some years of experimentation, I have found, what I call, “the savor effect”, way of honoring this supreme candy of candies. This “savor effect” requires several decision steps, and at each one you get to either speed up, or slow down the process, but remember, we want to “savor”, so use some caution!
   To begin the “savor effect”, you very slowly loosen the sealed down flaps on the box. Stop and just dream for a moment, on how the items inside will taste, and your saliva glands will become activated (this is not, my preferred method). Okay, now lift the lid, and ease one of the little trays of five out of the box. At this point, you can do one of two things, you can repeat the dream process described before, in order to prolong the “savor effect” (I have to admit this is “not” my preferred method), or proceed to unceremoniously rip the thin plastic cover off the tray (I have to admit this “is” my preferred method, and, what most often happens). Now, we have a decision to make before proceeding to the next step, and that’s whether to leave them in the tray (this will prolong the dream process due to a minor difficulty of getting them out of the tray), or dump them in the open box all at once, for ease of access (my preferred method). Once this decision has been made, you can proceed to the next step.
   Now that we have the candy accessible, you can pick one up reverently, like you are holding a precious glass ornament, and admire the beauty of its shape while contemplating the exquisite taste you are going have inside the mouth. Do this for whatever time you deem appropriate, in order to prolong the “savor effect” (this is not, my preferred method).
The next step, also requires some thought process, in order to prolong the “savor effect”. Should you start on the top, or bottom to take the first bite (I alternate)? Once that decision has been made you can proceed to take just a small bite, off either one, just enough to use your tongue to slowly suck out the contents (this process can be made easier by taking an even smaller bite from the opposite side to allow for better suction), and allowing them to coat your mouth, and swirling the tongue, like tasting a fine wine, before swallowing. With a bit of practice, you can manage to extract all the juice, cream, and even the cherry without crushing the chocolate covering (my preferred method).
The final step, in order to prolong the “savor effect”, is to slowly crush the chocolate covering with your tongue, allowing ample enjoyment time before chewing and swallowing.

The above “savoring process”, can last anywhere from one to two minutes per candy, to as much as an hour, depending on your strength and willpower.

For those with low thresholds of strength and willpower, there is an alternate process described as follows!

Rip open the box, jerk that plastic wrapper off, dump them out, pop one in the mouth, and enjoy that explosion of the creamy, juicy, chocolate, mixture all at once!!

Hmmm! Think I’ll go try both methods!!!!

Please let me know which method you prefer , and hope you reach the ultimate “savor effect“, either way!